EPISODE 10316
"REVENGING ANGEL"
Air date August 10, 2001
Written by David Kemper Directed by Andrew Prowse
Animation by Yoram Gross EM-TV (source: www.kieriahns.com)
Transcript by Jules
(Background wallpaper from www.ltpage.com)
For a listing of the Guest Cast and other info, please visit
Previously on Farscape:
Scene One: from "Thanks for Sharing", Moya, with a set of severed umbilicals dangling beneath her and Talyn fly out of the atmosphere of the planet.
Scene Two: from "Thanks for Sharing", John is asking Aeryn (not seen) if she can tell he's the 'original'. The 'other' John comes in the doorway and says: "Wrong, I'm the original."
Scene Three: from "Thanks for Sharing", Jool tells JohnB: "You're both perfect, if that's the right word, copies of the original Crichton."
Scene Four: generic, Moya enters starburst.
Scene Five: from "Thanks for sharing", JohnG is complaining (to D'Argo): "He set it up so that he's on Talyn with Aeryn.
Scene Six: from "Infinite Possibilities, part 2, Icarus Abides", John is leaning against his module. He is holding Aeryn's neck and looking in her face. John: "Radiation. Massive radiation." His voice continues over the visual of the next scene...
Scene Seven: from "Infinite Possibilites, part 2, Icarus Abides", A crying Aeryn reaches over and closes John's eyelids, after he dies.
And now on Farscape....
PROLOGUE
The camera pans past a part of the alien ship that was brought aboard in "Suns and Lovers." There is a glowing red circle which looks like a target, or engine. The ship's supports appear to be lifting off the deck and moving around. It is making a whirring sort of noise. Inside, we see John and D'Argo. D'Argo is holding onto some kind of a contol.
D'Argo, laughs: "Outstanding! Believe it or not, I'm actually getting better at controlling this thing."
The outside of the ship...there is smoke or steam and orange lights coming from the underneath part.
John: "How did you say you figured this out?"
D'Argo: "Oh, much trial and error, actually."
The outside of the ship, still bobbing around inside the hanger.
John: "Yah, it's impressive."
The supports are still in the air.
D'Argo: "Well, I haven't had much else to do."
John: "It takes time to learn to fly. I know you've been practicing on the ground."
D'Argo, yells: "What! What! Hang on!"
The ship crashes to the floor. John is thrown sideways and D'Argo is pushed up into the controls. They both look up as the ship 'beeps'.
The stairs descend from the hatch and John begins backing down them D'Argo is yelling at him.
D'Argo: "How many times?"
John: "One. Once. Uno..."
D'Argo interrupts, talking right over him: "You had to touch something!"
John: "D'Argo, I didn't touch anything."
John keeps backing away even after they leave the ship.
John: "I needed the press to calibrate..."
D'Argo: "How many times did I ask you? I said 'Do not go inside the ship!' I was using it!"
John: "Stop acting like Yosemite Sam."
D'Argo: "I asked you just to stop ..."
D'Argo picks up his Qualta Blade from a nearby table.
John puts his hands up to stop him: "Whoa! Hey! Yo, yo yo! Easy man. Remember what the doctors say about hyper..."
D'Argo: "John, I have nothing. Nothing! I have no wife, no son, no home, nothing!"
Behind him, the ship makes a ringing sound and lights begin flashing from it. John tries to get D'Argo's attengion.
John: "D'Argo." He pays no attention.
D'Argo: "I have been forced to manufacture distractions in order to live..."
John: "D'Argo, look! Your ship!" D'Argo continues to ignore him.
D'Argo: "That ship is all I have!"
John: "No. Your ship..." John points at the ship.
D'Argo, paying no attention to what's happening behind him, pulls his blade: "You sabotaged my frelling ship!" As he says this, he pushes John away.
John falls backwards into some drums and hits his head. As he falls, he tries to protect himself by putting his arm over his head, but several more barrels and drums are jarred loose and also strike him. The camera follows in slow-motion as he collapses and looses consciousness. The lights and whirring noise from the ship have kept increasing and now it has also begun to shimmer. As John's arm falls limply from the top of his head, D'Argo turns around to see the ship give off some sort of shimmering wave. As the wave hits D'Argo.....
END OF PROLOGUE
_________________________________________________________________________
ACT ONE
Moya is flying peacefully along....
Jool: "Pilot? Pilot?"
Pilot: "I'm sorry, Jool. As you can understand, I haven't been..."
Jool: "Yah, yah. He's not good."
Jool is working on something on a table. There are tall stands of lights surrounding it. As the camera moves in, we see that John is lying on the table, unconscious. Besides the lights, at the head of the table there is a display screen on a stand. The is a wave form showing on it, in three or four colors.
Jool is bustling around John's body: "Theres some blood in his skull and some swelling, and he's barely breathing."
Pilot: "Did the power cell in Zhaan's diagnostic scanner activate?"
Jool is placing electrodes on John's face: "Anything on it's own power source still works. Pilot, John's fever's way up."
Pilot: "I can't control the temperature there, nor much else. The energy pulse seared all Moya's active power conduits. We're fortunate comms were'nt in use at the time."
Jool lifts John's eyelid to check his pupil reaction: "Is that krastic ship still frelling with us?"
Pilot: "Yes. D'Argo feels Crichton's interference must have triggered a security self-destruct sequence."
Jool: "Can he stop it?"
Pilot: "When we last spoke, D'Argo was rather agitated."
D'Argo is striding rapidly down a corridor, holding a flashlite. Chiana hurries to keep up.
D'Argo: "What part of 'I don't know' has you baffled?"
Chiana: "Can't flush that ship out."
D'Argo: "The hangar doors won't open."
Chiana: "Can't escape in a transport pod."
D'Argo, shouts: "The hangar doors won't open!"
Chiana: "Fix the hangar doors!"
D'Argo: "Pilot has no control." The come to a doorway. D'Argo forces it open. and they continue on.
Chiana: "You really frelled us this time."
D'Argo: "Me? It wasn't me. It was Crichton."
Chiana: "Oh, so you tried to kill him."
D'Argo: "I didn't try and kill him. He slipped."
They enter Pilot's den and start to cross the catwalk to him.
Chiana: "You're pathetic. You really are and we're all gonna die because of it."
D'Argo yells and pulls his Qualta blade. He hurls it away from himself. Everyone watches it, in the flashlite beam, as it twists and turns in midair, then plummets down the tiers, out of sight.
Pilot: "Ka D'Argo! Your Qualta blade!"
Chiana: "That was mature."
D'Argo makes a little snorting noise and shakes his head at her. Chiana turns back to Pilot.
Chiana: "So when's his ship gonna blow?"
Pilot: "Unknown. Moya and I have no active sensors in the transport hangar."
Chiana: "Yah, yah, yah. I get the idea. Wh...what'da we do?"
Pilot: "Reactivate the DRD's. They're the only ones who can rewire Moya."
D'Argo turns to look at Pilot and begins to walk towards him.
D'Argo: "Rewire?"
Pilot: "Your ship crippled every inton of conduit and power application running at the time."
D'Argo nods: "Then I'll cripple it."
He turns to leave. Chiana follows him out.
Jool is standing at a window near the unconscious Crichton, facing away from him.
Chiana comms: "Hey Princess! "
Jool: "We're gonna die, aren't we?"
Chiana: "Eventually. You got the mivonks...."
Chiana is walking, carrying a DRD under each arm: "...to push the date back? Help D'Argo in the transport hangar. When he's sick of you, find me."
She kneels down amongst a bunch of silent DRD's.
Jool bends over the unconscious John and kisses his forehead. She looks up and walks out.
The camera comes back to John, a light flashes and....
...we are in John's "Theatre of the Mind"...
Harvey (dressed as Scorpius): "You know what's happening?"
John: "Yah." He is lying on the table as before, but the electrodes are absent from his face and the shiny gold blanket is pulled all the way up to his chin.
John pulls the blanket up over his face: "I'm dying."
Harvey walks over to look at the wave display: "Let's see what's left in the fuel tank."
John, from under the blanket: "Go away and let me do what I gotta do."
Harvey bends over him: "Oh, what? Find a reason to live?"
John: "I got plenty of reasons."
Harvey: "Then give me...the Letterman list." He yanks the blanket all the way off John. John is lying there in jeans and a plaid shirt.
John: "Earth, Dad, pizza, sex, cold beer, fast cars, sex, Aeryn ....love."
Harvey: "Well....we're both dead."
John: "Screw you."
Harvey: "None of that crap'll get the job done John." Harvey starts rearranging one of the lights. He points it on John's face, like a spotlight.
Harvey: "You die, you drag me with you. You want some advice?"
John: "No."
Harvey: "Revenge."
John: "Revenge?"
Harvey: "Yes. Love is transcient, vaporous. And guess who Aeryn loves right now? He wins, you lose."
John: "Thank you for coming. Go away."
Harvey: "Revenge is the strongest emotion, John"
John: "Go away!" John starts to sit up on the table.
Harvey moves another light to point down at John: "D'Argo put you here."
John: "Go!"
Harvey: "Live to even the score."
John: "Good-bye Scorpy. Bye-bye." John is sitting on the table now, and waving his arms as he speaks.
Harvey: "Your mind is no longer strong enough to control my comings and goings."
John: "Is that a challenge?"
Harvey has his back to John. As John stares at him there is a series of funny noises and Harvey changes into a cartoon of himself. He is drawn wearing dark blue and there are corks sticking out of the sides of his, where his cooling apparatus normally is. Harvey looks down and sees himself. He spins around to face John, feeling his clothes in disbelief.
Cartoon Harvey (in a high, squeaky voice): "How did you? Argh..!"
John grins. Music is playing in the background.
Cartoon Harvey grunts and groans and smacks himself on his head: "Looney Tunes." He grimaces hard and changes back into his leatherclad self.
Harvey: "Wasted energy, John. Now focus. Revenge is deep within your psyche. A core vestige from your earliest evolution. Unleash it now!"
John: "No."
Harvey growls....and pops back into his cartoon self and speaks in his high, squeaky voice: "This after school special dissiptes our chances of survival, John.
John: "You really want revenge?
Cartoon Harvey nods: "Oh, yes."
John smirks: "Okay." He looks up. A violin plays. As John watches, there is a whistling sound. Cartoon Cartoon Harvey looks up and gasps. A large cartoon object with the legend 1000 Ton, lands on him with a metallic clang.
John: "Revenge. But only for you." John lays back down and folds his hands on his chest as the music comes to an end.
D'Argo gasps and sits up. Jool gasps. She shines her flashlite on her own face.
Looking at the alien ship... Inside D'Argo is sitting in the command seat.
Jool: "Are you sure that noise means we're gonna explode? What if it just a...?"
D'Argo: "Soft-core overload. It's like it wants us to shut it down, but ...I don't know how."
Jool perches on the seat next to D'Argos: "But you did it before."
D'Argo: "Whatever Crichton did, he disabled the sequence of commands I was building up."
Jool: "I mean, what if it wasn't Crichton? What if somethings' just happened?"
D'Argo: "I've been off the ground on this thing four times...no problems. He did it."
Jool bites the inside of her cheek.
The wave scan display is showing four colors, with many peaks and valleys in the pattern. It's making electronic, wavy noises. John is still lying unconscious with electrodes stuck to his face, the blanket pulled neatly up to his armpits, with his arms outside. There is another flash of bright light...
...and we are once again in John's thoughts....
John walks into Pilot's den: "What's up dude? How you doin?"
Pilot: "You're dying."
John: "Yah, yah. D'Argo tried to kill me."
Pilot: "Perhaps an overstatement."
John: "Well, same net result."
Pilot: "Is he an enemy you wish to harm?"
John: "Oh, man. I don't even know why we're fightin." John still has on the plaid shirt and he has his hands jammed into his jeans pockets.
Pilot: "Then rise above his behavior. Moya and I find it advantageous to avoid confrontation by egressing."
John: "Run away."
Pilot: "Aggression feeds on opportunity. Remove yourself as a target and the pursuer will eventually tire."
D'Argo can be seen in the background, sneaking up on John.
John: "You're very wise."
Pilot: "I don't get out much....so I read."
John: "Well, thanks for the advice."
Pilot: "You could try it now..." (Cartoon 'sneaking' music begins to play softly.)"...if you like."
D'Argo, seeing he's been caught: "Ummm..."
D'Argo, Qualta blade raised in the air, is chasing John through Moya's corridors.
John whispers as he runs: "Aw, give me a break."
There is 'chase' music playing. John runs into the hangar and climbs into his module. D'Argo is right behind him.
John looks out, back over his shoulder. D'Argo has stopped in the doorway to the hangar.
John: "Come on D'Argo. We're friends."
D'Argo: "No more, human." With a flourish, turns sideways so that John can see that, strapped to his back, D'Argo has a cartoon rocket with the word "OZME" painted on its side.
D'Argo: "You can run as much as you like. But I'm gonna catch'ya."
John pulls the module's canopy down and fires the engine. D'Argo grins a toothy grin as the module takes off....
The module zips through a cartoon landscape of asteroids and planets. Cartoon John is riding it on the outside with handlebars, like a jetski. He is wearing a green shirt.
Cartoon John: "Yee haw!"
Cartoon D'Argo is following, propelled by his OZME jetpack.
Cartoon John: "D'oh!" He dodges an asteroid.
He raises his qualta blade over his head and starts taking swipes at John with it, as they dodge pieces of rock. One swipe just barely misses John's head.
Cartoon John: "Yike! Come on man! Chill before somebody gets hurt!"
Cartoon D'Argo: "Any guesses who, runt?"
Cartoon John: "Better look out!"
Cartoon D'Argo points at him: "Right! Like I'm gonna fall fer that!"
Cartoon D'Argo' s qualta blade goes flying as he runs smack dab into the MIR Spacestation. It's broadcasting away in Russian as Cartoon D'Argo holds on for dear life.
Cartoon John pulls up on his jetski module: "God, I love science fiction!" He squeezes a horn on the handle bars. "Honk! Honk!"
Cartoon D'Argo appears to be in a desert. There is an empty cardboard box on the ground near in which has "OZME Rocket Surfer Kit" written on the lid. We see Cartoon D'Argo checking a cuff around his ankle which has a long, coiled rope tied to it. Cartoon D'Argo 'twangs' the rope to verify it is taut. There is a huge rocket sitting on the ground beside him, with a surfboard attached to it by means of a huge belt and buckle. Cartoon D'Argo jumps up onto the surfboard.
Cartoon John comes speeding by on his jetski module. "Beep! Beep!" There is a sign reading "This way home". Cartoon John stops to read it.
Cartoon John: "Hmm!" He takes off again.
Cartoon D'Argo grins evilly an pushes a button on the side of the huge rocket. The rocket begins to roar and shake. Suddenly, it takes off, leaving Cartoon D'Argo behind. He falls to the ground, flat on his back. The rope, which is attached to his leg, begins to play out. Cartoon D'Argo frantically tries to untie himself, but the rope reaches its end and begins pulling him along by one leg, his polka-dotted boxers flying in the breeze.
He bounces on one foot a few times, then puts both feet down to try to brake himself. Next, he gets pulled over a nearly leafless tree, which he grabs onto for dear life. He holds so tightly that he slows down the rocket. The rocket sputters, coughs and...flys backwards along its root, picking up Cartoon D'Argo on its way by. The tree springs back upright and its last leaf floats to the ground. The rocket keeps going backwards until it hits a rock wall and stops. The engine keeps turning and maroon colored shaving begin to shoot out its front. They pile up on the ground in front of the rocket. Two eyes appear in the pile of shavings. They blink once and the pile of shavings picks itself up and stomps off.
The cartoon desert appears to be free floating in space. There is a rocket ship parked on it, pointing upwards. Cartoon D'Argo is on the desert. He has a huge mallet and he is pounding a sign into the ground. It reads: "Wormhole This Way." Cartoon D'Argo dashes off and begins painting a blue spiral 'wormhole' on the side of a nearby mountain. He finishes it with a flourish: "Ah!" He zips around behind the mountain, to hide.
In the air, Cartoon John is riding on his jetski module.
Cartoon John: "This is Farscape One. I am free and flying."
Cartoon D'Argo peeks around from the back of the mountain to laugh evilly.
Cartoon John is flying down the desert road, swaying from side to side and humming. He pulls up to a stop when he sees the wormhole sign.
Cartoon John: "Whoa ho!" He turns off the road and zips over to the painted wormhole.
Cartoon John: "Wormhole!" He rides his jetski module straight into the painted wormhole and disappears.
Cartoon D'Argo is watching this. His jaw drops in amazement...all the way to the ground, with a clang. He uses his hand to pick his jaw back up He zooms back behind the mountain and returns wearing his OZME jetpack. He gets a running start and jets towards the painted wormhole....and runs smack against the mountain. "Clank!" His flattened body slowly floats to the desert floor.
Cartoon D'Argo has a truly huge rocket strapped to his back. There is a stick in front of him, helping to support it. He hears Cartoon John approaching, humming. (the music plays "A Hunting We Will Go.) Cartoon D'Argo reaches up behind him to press the 'start' button on his rocket. The rocket begins to burn. While he waits for Cartoon John to come by, the stick support falls away and the rocket collapses on top of Cartoon D'Argo.
Cartoon John: "Yo, Harvey! Front and center, dude!" Cartoon Harvey drops out of the sky and lands on the front of the module, facing Cartoon John.
Cartoon John: "Whoa!
Cartoon Harvey: "Oh!"
Cartoon John, in a sing-song voice: "Pilot was right, you were wrong. Pilot was right, you were wrong. If I keep running, nothing can ha....Hah!" The jetski module runs right into a giant spider web.
Cartoon Harvey, who's sitting on the outside edge of the web, while Cartoon John struggles in the center.
Cartoon Harvey: "Nothing can hurt you? Is that what you're trying to say?"
Cartoon D'Argo starts crawling towards the center of the web, his qualta blade raised in one hand.
Cartoon John screams in alarm. He continues to scream as Cartoon D'Argo approaches and takes a swipe at him with his qualta blade.
The colors on the wave scan display have gone flat. Harvey pulls up one of John's eyelids.
Harvey is talking into Johns one open eye: "You can only run for so long, John. Even in the childlike safety of your cartoon. My way will sustain you. Mother's milk."
The camera pulls back so that we can see that Harvey is kneeling over John and begins CPR on him.
Harvey: "Brutal...(grunts)...real (grunts again as he compresses John's chest)...revenge. (grunts again)"
He looks up to the display. It is still flat.
Harvey bends over John's face and pries open an eye again: "John! Take revenge John!" Harvey smiles and nods into John's eye.
Jool is in Pilot's den.
Pilot: "Chiana's efforts with the DRD's have restored minimal functioning. We now have a presence in the maintenance bay, and our analysis of that ship's energy signature indicates it will explode in just under an arn."
Jool: "Under an arn?"
Pilot: "An estimate...only."
Jool: "Can you do something?"
Pilot: "We will not be able to expel that ship."
Jool: "So we're all gonna die?"
Pilot: "Moya and myself, certainly. However...I may have a way to save you. Take food, liquids and a long-range frequency modulator to Tier 16's treblin side pressure hatchway." (Jool keeps getting closer and closer to Pilot as he speaks) "You should be able to survive a few solar days prior to hypothermia, if I jettison it."
Jool is crying: "Ohh, Pilot!"
Pilot: "Go."
Jool: "We can't just leave you."
Pilot: "Go!"
END OF ACT ONE
_________________________________________________________________________________
ACT TWO
Chiana is entering the hangar bay. She is carrying a flashlite in one hand and a pulse rifle in the other.
Chiana: "Gotcha Princess. Treblin side hatch, Tier 16. I'm gonna try something then I'll meet you in the cold storage. We're not leaving without Crichton."
Jool comms: "But Pilot said..."
Chiana interrupts her: "An arn. Load the supplies. Do what I tell you." She shrugs: "Children!"
Chiana begins to climb the steps into the alien ship.
D'Argo: "Nothing works. I've failed."
Chiana: "Move D'Argo. Let mommy shoot it." She points her pulse rifle at the ship's console. D'Argo grabs hold of the gun: "No, no, no, no. no. It won't let you."
Chiana: "Well, let's get outa here."
D'Argo sighs: "I don't like to lose."
Chiana: "Well, then why'd you let go of me?"
D'Argo: "Oh Beeschrubrudaka! Brudaka!"
Suddenly, there is a noise and the alien ship's display lights up. D'Argo turns around to look at it and gasps. A lighted square appears in the middle of it.
D'Argo is breathing very heavily. Chiana, who had exited the ship, climbs back into it.
Chiana: "What d'you say?"
D'Argo: "Just something Luxan. My Grandfather used to say it all the time."
D'Argo reaches out and touches the display, Chiana pushes his hand down. There are now three lighted rectangles on it.
Chiana: "Hey! What're you doing?"
D'Argo: "I'm not quite sure, but I think that is a Luxan symbol for 'spoken word'.".
Chiana: "You can read that?"
D'Argo: "A little bit. I'm not really up on my Ancient Luxan."
A mechanical voice comes out of the ship. It is impossible to understand.
Chiana: "What's it saying? What?"
D'Argo holds his hand up for silence. He is concentrating on what the voice is saying.
D'Argo: "I don't know!"
Chiana: "Well, is it Luxan?"
D'Argo: "Yes!"
Chiana: "Well then, how could you not know?"
D'Argo lifts Chiana up and slams her down into the seat next to his.
D'Argo: "I am not Ancient Luxan. I do not speak Ancient Luxan. And I do not read Ancient Luxan, because I am not Ancient Luxan!" (the alien computer is still talking away in the background).
Chiana turns her head away so she doesn't have to look at D'Argo: "And not likely to become one either."
D'Argo is striding into Pilot's den.
Pilot: "Ka D'Argo! Moya's dead-language library is incomplete!"
D'Argo: "What about ancient war declarations?"
Pilot shouts to be heard over D'Argo: "My access to it at this time even more so!"
D'Argo: "...of speeches. You can even try some anti-luxan propaganda!"
Pilot: "As best I find words...fragments of words."
D'Argo: "Ahh! Pilot, that ship is trying to kill us. I need to know why it speaks Luxan."
Pilot: "The DRD's can prepare a supplimental translator microbe..."
D'Argo shakes his head vigorously and talks over Pilot who continues talking: "Good! Good! Do it! Just do it!" D'Argo stalks off.
Pilot continues as he leaves: "...injection with any data that I have. Arghhh!"
Jool and Chiana are wheeling John on the medical table, down a corridor.
Jool: "How can he not learn his ancient tongue? What kind of civilization doesn't pass on its culture?"
Chiana: "They're warriors. Most of them didn't learn to read or write until 300 cycles ago."
Jool: "That's ridiculous. It's savage. I'll wager there are no artists or chefs there either."
Chiana: "What is your problem? "
Jool stops pushing the table and stands up: "I did it."
Chiana: "You usually do. What?"
Jool: "I was in his ship."
Chiana: "What?"
Jool: "I...I didn't mean to. I...."
Chiana starts towards Jool: "You need to die horribly!"
Jool: "Oh! Like you never screw up!"
Chiana: "You can compare this to anything I do?"
Jool: "Don't you think I feel bad? And here I confide in you!"
They have gone back to pushing John, both yelling at the same time.
Chiana: "Do not compare...."
Jool: "And what do you do? You turn on me!"
Chiana: "....we're totally frelled!"
Both, at once: "Just shut up!" They're both breathing heavily.
Jool: "Alright."
Chiana: "Okay."
Jool: "Alright."
Chiana: "You go."
Jool: "All right. I've given it a lot of thought..."
Chiana starts to talk over her again: "Okay, I think the best thing to do right now is to calm down..."
Jool: "...and I think actually maybe it was something Crichton did and it's too bad, so there's no reason D'Argo should be mad at me, is there?"
John groans.
Chiana: "...and figure this out. And, while there's nothing we can do about it right now..."
Jool: "...don't know how I can make my point when you won't..."
Chiana: "...just "
Both: "Stop talking!"
They both give the gurney an extra push to get it out of their way so they can stand face to face. They don't seem to notice that the gurney is empty.
Chiana: "Okay. Now it's my turn."
D'Argo comes around a corner into the corridor.
Chiana: "We are going to do the right thing..."
Jool, at the same time: "I think I know what to do..."
They are screaming in each others' faces.
D'Argo: "GIRLS!! What are you doing? Huh?" He gestures at the floor, where John lies by D'Argo's feet.
Jool: "Ahhhhhh..."
Chiana, brightly: "Having a conversation." She hurries over to John.
Jool: "Yah!" She hurries after Chiana.
D'Argo: "Having a conversation! Obviously very interesting. Listen! This is my only chance with these translator microbes. If it doesn't work, be here, ready. Okay?"
Jool starts to say something as D'Argo walks off. Chiana grabs her and stops her. Jool gasps.
Chiana: "Now you listen to me. D'Argo has a lot on his mind at the moment. If we survive, you tell him anything you like."
Jool: "I just need too..."
Chiana: "No! Do not. Do not tell him." Chiana gets up.
There is a flash of light....
John is speaking to Jool: "Isn't she great?"
Jool: "Yah. I'm thrilled with out relationship."
John: "Well, D'Argo and I aren't getting along too good these days either."
John gets up off the floor where the girls left him. He takes Jool's hand and helps her up. She follows him back down the corridor to the gurney.
Jool: "Yah! He put you in a coma!"
John: "I got to figure out what to do about that."
Jool: "How hard's that? You're gonna die."
John puts the blanket on the gurney and helps Jool wheel it down the corridor.
John: "Well, Scorpy thinks I should get revenge. Pilot wanted me to run, but that didn't work. You got any ideas?" They wheel the gurney into a chamber.
Jool: "You once said to me that our species might be related."
John climbs back onto the gurney.
Jool: "If that's true, you have to have a measure of intelligence about you, which means you can reason."
John covers himself back up with the blanket.
Jool: "Be honest. Talk to him. Work out the problem."
John lies back down.
Jool: "Conflict's for barbarians."
The alien ship's engine is glowing. Its computer is talking in an alien language. D'Argo is sitting in the command seat.
Jool, quietly: "D'Argo?"
D'Argo sighs. The computer voice continues talking. Jool comes the rest of the way into the ship without talking. She sits down in the other seat, across from D'Argo. He sort of rolls his eyes, but then he reaches out and turns off the computerized voice and turns to face Jool.
Jool: "I think it may have been me. I was in here earlier. I didn't touch anything. I was just here."
D'Argo leans towards her: "I found this..." he holds up a wad of fuzz, "...in the control! Your hair!" He throws it at her and she pulls back.
Jool: "Are you gonna kill me?"
D'Argo: "I've already hurt Crichton today. That's enough."
Jool: "I didn't mean to cause any of this..."
D'Argo: "Well, what did you mean? I mean, what were you doing in here?" D'Argo raises his hand and stops. He gasps and sighs.
Jool: "I know...that I can be...difficult."
D'Argo snorts.
Jool: "That no one wants to spend time with me. You're someone who...I like. And I know that since the problems with your son and Chiana, that you've preferred to be alone. In here. I just thought...if this is so important to you...then maybe...maybe if I learn a little about it...we might have something to talk about."
D'Argo thinks for a minute: "Oh." He reaches out an touches her. "Thanks for making the effort."
Jool is trying not to cry. She lets out a sigh and then laughs a little.
John is walking down a corridor, in his jeans and plaid shirt. He has his hands in his pockets and he's talking to himself: "D'Argo, we're friends, right? And friends don't let friends drive drunk..."
As he walks past a doorway, a female voice is heard, clearing it's throat: "Um hum!"
John backs up and leans over backwards a bit to look...Cartoon Aeryn is standing in the doorway. She has her hands on her hips. Her hair is in a loose ponytail.
John: "Wow! You look great."
Aeryn: "Hah! Is this the best you could do?" She is wearing underpants, black hose and a duster.
John: "I..uh, I miss you."
Cartoon Aeryn: "Obviously. Where are my clothes?"
John: "On Talyn. You and that other guy...the other me...you're not, uh...?" He mades a circle motion by his head.
Cartoon Aeryn: "Don't do it to yourself, John."
John: "All right." He starts to walk away.
Cartoon Aeryn: "Oh, no, no, no! Before you go, you fix this!" She points down at herself.
John reaches behind a wall and pulls out a huge, cartoon pencil with an eraser on it. He picks it up and erases Cartoon Aeryn. Then he turns the pencil end to end and quickly redraws her....as Jessica Rabbit.
He smiles and leans on the pencil, pleased with himself.
Cartoon Aeryn: "I get it. I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way." She slinks over to the pencil, embraces it and then takes it from John and walks back to where she had been.
Cartoon Aeryn: "Oh, please! At least use some imagination." She picks up the cartoon pencil and breaks it over her knee. She spins around like a whirlwind...and comes out looking like Marilyn Monroe (in "Some Like It Hot" She's in a white dress and a wind is blowing the skirt up)
Cartoon Aeryn (as Marilyn Monroe) sings: "Happy birthday, Mr. Astronaut..."
John is liking this. She spins again....
And looks like Cleopatra: "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?"
John: "Honey, that's the wrong Shakespeare." She spins again...
...and is Dorothy from Wizard of Oz, holding her little dog, Toto. The dog growls. She clicks her heels together twice: "There's no pwace like home."
She spins again....
And is Madonna in her Viking outfit: "Hey Johnny! Like a virgin?"
And again, she is Pamela Anderson from Bay Watch, holding a surfboard: "I'd...like...rescue you."
John: "Can you do that Sharon Stone thing? Basic Instinct?" And she spins again and she is...
Nancy Regan, shaking a finger at him: "Johnny. Just say..."
John: "No!"
Cartoon Aeryn: "There's a good boy." She spins once more and she is back in her leather vest and pants. "Thank you." She walks over to him. "Now, what're you going to do about D'Argo?"
John: "I don't know. I supposed to talk to him, not really sure what to say. Any advice? Help?"
Cartoon Aeryn: "D'Argo!"
John looks behind him and sees D'Argo pull back behind a wall to hide.
Cartoon Aeryn: "D'Argo, could you just leave young Johnny alone, please?"
D'Argo: "Umm............no." He comes out from behind the wall and starts after John. John runs away.
Cartoon Aeryn: "Run Forrest! Run!"
John is still lying on the gurney, unconscious, with electrodes on his face and chest.
Cartoon D'Argo is painting another wormhole on the side of a mountain. This one has two cartoon 'babes' painted on either side of it. He is panting by the time he's done. He hears a wolf-whistle and runs behind the mountain to hide. Cartoon John zooms up on his jetski module. He's humming. He stops right in front of the painted wormhole and hovers.
Cartoon John: "Come on 'D'. Le..le...Let's talk this out."
Cartoon D'Argo has come up behind him, carrying a gun.
Cartoon D'Argo: "Ha ha! Never!"
Cartoon John: "Ladies. Comin through." He zips through the painted wormhole.
Cartoon D'Argo is beside himself with rage. He throws down his gun and breaks is.
Cartoon D'Argo: "D..d...d..!" He stalks over to the painted wormhole and sticks his arm part way into it. He gets a startled look on his face. He backs up and runs towards the painted wormhole. He goes through it, but immediately comes back out...riding plastered to the front of the U.S.S. Enterprise.
Scottish voice: "Captain. We hit something with the front of the ship."
The Enterprise stops, with a squeal of brakes, and then zaps into warp and disappears.
Cartoon John is walking across the desert: "D'Argo! We're friends, big man. How bout a little 'rock, paper, scissors' to work through your ..."
Cartoon John walks right into the barrel of a rifle...."anger."
Cartoon D'Argo, who is holding the rifle: "I don't think so John."
Cartoon John: "You'd really shoot me? We could get counseling. I know a guy."
Cartoon John reaches over and pushes the rifle barrel aside, just as Cartoon D'Argo shoots. There is the sound of a bullet ricochetting. Cartoon D'Argo pushes the barrel back in place and shoots again. Cartoon John pushes the barrel in the opposite direction and the bullet hits something metal with a clang. Cartoon D'Argo puts the barrel back straight again.
Cartoon John: "Dr. Chuck Jones. Wrote the..." He pushes the barrel again and Cartoon D'Argo misses again. Cartoon D'Argo puts the barrel back one more time.
Cartoon John: "Dr. Chuck Jones wrote the book on these situations."
Cartoon D'Argo nods. Cartoon John hits the gun barrel and starts it spinning like a pinwheel. He has the gun sight and is juggling it in his hand. Cartoon D'Argo stops the barrel from spinning and holds it up to fire. Cartoon John puts the sight back on the barrel but pushes it all the way towards Cartoon D'Argo. Cartoon D'Argo pushes the sight back to the end of the barrel where it belongs. They push it back and forth a couple of times, until finally Cartoon John sings: "Ahhh!" Cartoon D'Argo shoots, but it comes out the wrong end of the gun and hits him. His face turns black and his hair stands out from his head in big tufts. He cocks the gun and shoots again. There is a big cloud of smoke.
Cartoon John is walking along: "Jool. Babe. You were right..." Just then, he gets hit over the head with something, from behind.
Cartoon D'Argo: "You think so? You think you could reason with me?" Cartoon D'Argo pulls the gun up over his head by the barrel, ready to bring it down on Cartoon John. Cartoon John begins screaming....
Harvey has a set of defibrillator paddles on John's chest. He is wearing green scrubs, a surgical hat and a surgical mask.He looks up at the wave scan display and then back at John.
Harvey: "Clear!" John jumps on the gurney as though he had been shocked. Harvey prepares to shock him again.
Harvey: "Clear." Again John bounces on the gurney but nothing else happens. Harvey growls in frustration and throws the paddles down. He walks to the side of the room, picks up a mop by its handle and heaves it aside. He then picks up the mop bucket and brings it over to the gurney. He tosses the water onto John's face. John sits up as spits water out of his mouth.
Harvey pulls the mask down: "You feel the life ebbing from both of us, John? The creep of cadaverous cold? Achilles...I believe. Your strength as weakness." John is dripping water and he strips it from his eyes.
Harvey: "Your stubborness has served you well in the past, but now it is killing you, John." John shakes his head several times to get more of the water off of it.
Harvey: "These cartoons are a crutch. Attempting to shield yourself instead of doing what is called for: revenge."
Pilot comms: "D'Argo. The DRD's should be there any microt. All I could do was piece together fragments of language. An incomplete vocabulary at best."
While Pilot is talking, we see a DRD zipping along, approaching D'Argo's ship.
Onboard the ship...
D'Argo laughs: "That's all anyone could ask, Pilot. Let's give it a shot."
Jool is sitting beside D'Argo. There is a tear running down her face. The DRD zooms up to D'Argo's boot.
Pilot comms: "The DRD will inject you."
A tool comes out of the DRD and sticks D'Argo in the boot.
D'Argo: "Ow!"
Jool grimaces in sympathy. D'Argo turns back to face the ship's display.
The ship's computer begins to talk again, but is still not understandable.
Jool: "What's it say?"
D'Argo holds up his hand: "Shh!"
The computer continues to speak in Ancient Luxan. The display changes to show three squares, in a row, with different symbols in them.
Jool: "D'Argo, you have to tell me."
D'Argo waves his hand: "Active self-destruct code...can be voided with one of the three...pre...predetermined...uh..artifacts singular to Luxan heritage. Ancient freedom text."
D'Argo shakes his head: "It's very rare. An Orican's prayer amulet. This is hopeless."
Jool and D'Argo continue to listen as the computer voice says: "...Qualta Blade."
Jool:"What?"
D'Argo halfs laughs.
Jool: "What? What does it want?"
We see D'Argo's Qualta Blade as it was, spinning through the air over Pilot's den, superimposed over D'Argo's face.
Jool: "What!?"
Computer voice: "...Qualta Blade."
END OF ACT TWO
________________________________________________________________________
ACT THREE
D'Argo, Jool and Chiana come into Pilot's den.
Pilot: "With so little time remaining, I suggest you all start to prepare..."
D'Argo: "Begin searching immediately. Now, I threw it over in this direction here." He points.
Jool: "Why would you do that?"
Chiana: "Short version? Because of you."
D'Argo: "Now, I heard it falling, so it could be on one of those tiers down there, or, ah, it could have fallen all the way down to the neural cluster."
Chiana: "So we split up and search."
Pilot: "A caution. The DRD's use this empty cavern to deposit construction and repair refuse."
D'Argo: "It's a reasonable risk! Start searching."
John still lies, under the blanket, in a coma.
John: "Hey, Pip! You got a sec?" He's wearing his jeans and plaid shirt.
Chiana pops out from behind a bulkhead: " Sure."
John: "You up on everything that's goin on?"
Chiana: "Yep. You're dying."
John: "Yah."
Chiana: "Scorpius wants you to get revenge."
John: "Humm."
Chiana: "Pilot says, run like a...a scalded kepnitz."
John: "Yah."
Chiana: "Jool would talk D'Argo's ear off...til he committed suicide." Chiana laughs and pops back behind the bulkhead.
John follows her down the corridor: "So..uh, what do you think?"
Chiana: "Well, revenge is sweet." She pops out and backs her body up against John's. "It's always worth the effort."
There is a pool of stagnant water. We hear Jool groaning, loudly. She is wading through the muck, holding a flashlite.
Jool: "Why do I get the cellar and you guys get the catwalk?"
D'Argo is walking along a catwalk and kicks something metal out of his path.
Jool: "This place smells horrible."
Chiana: "Guaranteed by your arrival. Sugnil."
D'Argo: "Chiana!"
Chiana: "What'dya want, D'Argo? What? I should bottle it up and become a Luxan?" She is crawling on her hands and knees, searching a catwalk.
D'Argo: "Well, showing a little bit of self-restraint wouldn't hurt. Any luck?"
Chiana: "Just crap. And dren. Hey Princess, watch out."
Jool: "Watch out for what?"
Chiana: "Chunks of metal. Don't get hit."
Jool is still wading in the muck: "There's no metal down here. There's just muck. Do you have muck?"
Chiana: "Oh yah, up to my crotch in it."
D'Argo is still walking on his catwalk, kicking things out of his way. He kicks a large can which flies off the catwalk and begins to fall.
D'Argo: "Ahh! Chiana! Jool! Watch out!"
Jool: "For what?" The can lands right behind her in the water. She screams and jumps.
Chiana laughs.
Jool: "You little slut."
D'Argo: "No. No, it wasn't Chiana. It was me."
Jool: "Then how did she know?"
Chiana: "I dunno. Just made sense."
We see the unconscious John, once again.
John: "No revenge, no talking, no running." John gets up and helps Chiana sit up. "Come on, baby. You're the sultan of survival. What's left."
Chiana: "Be smarter. They always make it more complicated than what they need to. Use it against 'em. Screw 'em at their own game."
John: "That's good." He kisses her on the nose.
We see an empty cardboard box which says OZME One (1) Shovel. Next to it is a wooden crate. It has painted on it's sides: OZME Proto-Nuclear FROONIUM and an EXPLOSIVE sign plastered on the end.
Cartoon D'Argo is nearby, digging a hole with the shovel. He picks up a double armload of green, glowing sticks of Froonium and throws them into the hole. He quickly covers them up. He pats the dirt down with the shovel, then jumps up and down on it a few times. There is a big, white X painted over the hole. Cartoon D'Argo runs and grabs an OZME pizza box and sets it on the white X. He opens the top and steam rises from the pizza inside. He sets a can marked Bier next to the pizza. Then, he pounds in a sign behind them that reads: "Free Beer and Pizza. Astronauts welcome." The au in astronaut is crossed out and replaced by a large U. Cartoon John zooms up on his jetski module and stops when he sees the sign. He jumps off and grabs a slice of pizza and starts eating it. Cartoon D'Argo is hiding behind a mountain and is laughing into his hand. He holds up the fuse for the Froonium and strikes a match. As he lights the fuse, a hand comes up from below him and sets fire to his tentacle/beard. He has his fingers in his ears to muffle the sound of the coming explosion. He sees Cartoon John who points to his chin. Cartoon D'Argo takes his fingers out of his ears and reaches back over his shoulder and pulls his qualta blade. Meanwhile, the fire has burned up to his chin and gone out. Then, he explodes
Jool gasps and jumps, in the muck. She hears a sound like a rattling.
Jool:"Pilot?"
Pilot: "Yes, Joolushko."
Jool: "Are there...other things...living in Moya with us?"
Pilot: "A panoply of harmless parasites, many serving symbiotic functions. Perhaps you're hearing the Hodian trill-bat swarm."
D'Argo and Chiana are continuing to search the catwalks.
There is the sound of an animal twittering. Jool makes little, scared noises and keeps looking around.
Jool: "Do these Hodian bat things....leave droppings?"
Pilot: "Extensively. Their effluvium spreads along Moya's inner hull and helps seal microscopic cracks."
Chiana can't help but laugh: "Bat dren."
Pilot: "You're walking through it."
Jool screams, Pilot screams, D'Argo cringes, and Chiana rolls over on the catwalk, laughing.
The barrel of a very large cannon. Cartoon D'Argo has a seat at the rear of it. He laughs and hunkers down to line up the sight with Cartoon John. He pushes the fire buttons and the cannon fires. It jumps up in the air and moves backwards. The sight scan is empty. Cartoon D'Argo gives a satisfied sigh. Then Cartoon John shows up in the sights again.
Cartoon John: "Missed me. Hah!"
Cartoon D'Argo throws his hands in the air in frustration. He shoots again and the cannon takes another jump backwards. He laughs and dusts his hands of Cartoon John. Cartoon John, meanwhile, is sitting on the front of the cannon, holding onto the targeting sight. He picks his head up and grins into the site. Cartoon D'Argo is so mad, smoke comes out of his ears. He shoots again and the cannon jumps backwards...this time right out over an open canyon. Cartoon John stands up on the end of the cannon: "Yo, D'Argo!" He waves. Cartoon D'Argo stands up.
Cartoon John: "Look down." He points. Cartoon D'Argo looks down and sees the canyon beneath him and screams. Cartoon John steps off the end of the cannon, back onto the ground, as Cartoon D'Argo and the cannon plummet into the canyon. As they fall, Cartoon D'Argo does a swan dive off the cannon and pulls the cord on a parachute which opens above him. As he nears the ground, something sucks the parachute upwards. The cannon appears and falls over him and his parachute and drives itself into the ground. The back of the cannon opens and Cartoon D'Argo climbs out. He tries to pull his parachute out with him, but it is stuck in the cannon. He heaves and tugs until the parachute comes loose. Just then, the cannon goes off and shoots them both back into the air. Cartoon D'Argo grabs up his parachute and tosses it off the cannon and follows it out into open air. This time, the cannon hits the ground first. Cartoon D'Argo wipes the sweat off his brow, in relief. He then floats gently into the mouth of the cannon. The parachute covers the top. Once again, the cannon fires itself and flames go blasting into the sky. Cartoon D'Argo climbs out of the cannon and slides to the ground. His clothes are all torn and there are stars circling his head. He's hearing birds chirpping. Then he's hearing sizzling. He looks around at the ground and sees the giant, white X and the fuse burning, almost at the Froonium. He just has time to scream before there is a huge explosion that leaves a crater in the ground.
Cartoon D'Argo is painting yet another wormhole on the side of a mountain. Just as he finishes painting the last spot, Cartoon John rides up behind him and stops. He honks his horn and Cartoon D'Argo jumps into the wall and falls onto his back. Cartoon John picks up the bucket of paint and the brush and quickly paints scenery on the mountain. As Cartoon D'Argo sits up, Cartoon John revvs the engine on his jetski module and rides through the mountain. He turns around on the other side and looks back at Cartoon D'Argo. Cartoon D'Argo jumps up and down in frustration and runs smack dab into the wall.
Cartoon John: "Don't you get it D'Argo? Chiana was right. I can always outsmart you. You gotta admit it, my wormhole looks a lot better than yours."
Cartoon D'Argo screams: "You...did not...paint...a wormhole!"
Cartoon John: "You forgot to make yours swirl." He pushes something on the module and the air behind Cartoon D'Argo begins to swirl. He looks at it and makes little noises. He reaches for Cartoon John, but he's sucked into the wormhole and disappears.
Cartoon John: "B-bye. Well, this little spaceman's goin home. Lock up the wimmen and hide the fried chicken!" He backs up to get a good run at it and guns the jetski module into the painted wormhole. There is a loud explosion and clouds of smoke...
There are several small fires burning. John groans. He is lying on the floor, amoung the flames. He pulls himself half up and over onto a side. His face is a disaster, with several cuts, blood running from the corner of his mouth, and one eye nearly swollen shut.
John: "I..I think I broke my leg."
He looks up and sees D'Argo approaching through the haze, Qualta blade at the ready.
D'Argo: " Did you think you could make up all the rules? Keep hiding behind a cartoon forever?"
He pulls back the blade to strike.
John: "Nooo!"
D'Argo strikes once, twice with ringing force.
The wave scan display has red-lined.
John lies, unmoving, on the gurney.
END OF ACT THREE
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ACT FOUR